The Many Adventures of the Clans
by PurpleCrystal159
Summary: Join ThunderpClan, ShadderpClan, RaverClan, and WindClan in a crazy compilation of shorts! See what happens to the Clans while the readers are away! Watch the crazy antics of your favorite cats in the weird, wacky, Adventures of the Clans! WARNING: Contains a lot of nuts. Rated T for language and a large dose of good healthy paranoia.
1. Catmint, Fire, and Another Name

**Warning: The following shorts contain scenes of actual stupidity. Please do not try this at home.**

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><p>"No. What are you doing. No. Stop. DOVEWING, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. NO STOP DOVEWING YOU CAN'T FLY GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW!"<p>

Before we continue, let's explain some things first. This is Ivypool of ThunderpClan. Her sister, Dovewing, has eaten a crap ton of catmint and is about to jump off of a tree branch in an attempt to fly. The cat running around in the background shouting is Lionblaze. He too has consumed the catmint. Like mentor, like apprentice, am I right?

"You're no fun, Ivypool! Of course cats fly! Why do you think we have these long, thin, wings coming out of our rears?" Dovewing giggled.

"Dovey, those are our tails! They can't make you fly!"

Dovewing jumped off the tree branch anyways, knocking over Lionblaze and losing whatever brain cells she had.

Meanwhile, the rest of ThunderpClan wasn't doing so well either.

"WHERE'S MY CATMINT?!"

Jayfeather looked around the camp and had his answer. Cats everywhere were screeching wildly, flailing their arms around, and were overall acting crazy. Glowsticks littered the floor, and there were some RaverClan cats laying around.

"Calm down, Jayfeather…have some catmint…" Berrynose slurred.

"What? No!"

"Aww, Jay-Jay, you're no fun! Just have some!" Squirrelflight bounced up to him.

"I…uh…" Jayfeather ran off.

He returned at midnight.

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><p>For most cats, midnight was a time for a well-deserved rest until the next morning.<p>

Not for RaverClan.

For them, it was a time to break out the glowsticks, start the wild music, and party until dawn, much to the fury of their neighbors who were actually somewhat normal, WindClan. Their elders would normally march right to the camp and yell at them to 'turn the music down'. RaverClan never did, since they couldn't hear them. So the WindClan elders decided to take matters into their own hands, with some help from youngsters.

"Hey! What happened to our music? Why isn't it playing?"

"Where are our glowsticks?"

Heathertail snuck out of the camp, glowsticks and batteries in her paws. Just as she was about to make a break for it-

"HEY! THERE THEY ARE! THIEF!"

With a yelp, she ran towards her camp. The RaverClan cats lagged far behind. No one could compete with WindClan's speed. No one.

"Heathertail! Why did you take those?! RaverClan will be after us again! They'll burn down our camp!" Onestar shrieked.

"What? The elders told me to!"

"Never mind that. What are we supposed to do? I can see RaverClan gathering their pitchforks and torches!"

"FIRE! FIRE IN THE CAMP!"

WindClan actually did survive that day, however, it took a long time to earn the money to pay other clans to fix their camp.

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><p>"We need another name."<p>

ShadderpClan gathered around, listening to Rowanstar. Or at least that's what Rowanstar thought. In reality, they were all discussing the latest Doctor Who episode, fangirling over the new Hetalia season, and reading the Homestuck update/upd8.

Rowanstar carried on. "There can only be one clan with 'derp' in their name! It's either us or ThunderpClan."

"OOH! How about 'Raging Hot Fire-Bottles'?"

"Too weird."

"The Mystery Twins?"

"No, we don't have any twins here. Besides, no one would get the reference."

"The Mane Clan!"

"Again with the refrence."

"We could just go for ShadowClan."

"Too boring."

"Or we could just wage war against ThunderpClan or sue them!"

"That's genius! But first…let's celebrate."

"We're not RaverClan." A kit piped up helpfully.

"No, that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" Her mother asked.

"It's Christmas." Rowanstar grinned.

"What's Christmas?" the kit asked.


	2. That Darned Time of the Year!

**'Christmas Kids' is by Roar. Let it Go is from Disney. I don't own anything.**

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><p>"Why do we have to do this again?" Jayfeather growled. "I have tree sap where tree sap shouldn't be!"<p>

"Because Christmas! Think of the kits!" Daisy nudged Jayfeather towards an obscenely large pine tree. "This'll do!"

"Daisy, Christmas is a month away!"

"Oh, hush you. Now hand me the chainsaw." the cream she-cat snapped. She grabbed the chainsaw from the blind tom and started hacking at the tree. "FOR THE KITS!"

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><p>"Okay, so decorations? Check. Cookies?" Bramblestar turned to Lionblaze and Berrynose, who were rapidly scarfing down cookies. "Check. Annoyingly stupid carols?<p>

"LET IT GO! LET IT GOOOOO! I'M ONE WITH THE WIND AND-"

"Dovewing, you idiot! That's not a Christmas song!" Ivypool scolded her sister.

"Yeah, and 'Christmas Kids' isn't."

"It has the word 'Christmas' in it and it sounds like a Christmas-like song!"

"You kidding? It's creepy!"

Ivypool, to spite Dovewing, started singing.

"_Ronette my dear, you'll never disappear. _

_ Do what you want as long as you stay near._

_ I need you now, I love you so much more than you can know!_

_ The Christmas kids were nothing but a gift,_

_ My love is a tower where all of us can live!_

_ You'll change your name, you'll change your mind_

_ To leave this -"_

"Ivypool, stop! You can't sing that around kits!" Dovewing screeched.

"_If you ever try to leave me, I'll find you, Ronnie!_

_ If you ever try to leave me, I'll find you, Ronnie!_

_ If you ever try to leave me, I'll find you, Ronnie!"_

Bramblestar decided to do something about that later. "Check. Tree?" He saw about ten cats dragging a huge tree, with Daisy and Jayfeather riding atop it proudly. "Check. Presents?"

Sandstorm, Purdy, and Leafpool were trying their best to neatly wrap up the presents without damaging them, but to no avail. "Check. Santa?"

Graystripe sat on a rock in a Santa costume, shouting phrases like "HO HO HO THIS THING ITCHES GET ME OUT OF THIS MILLIE HELP ME THIS KIT IS STARTING TO PEE!" Millie, who was dressed as an elf, paid no attention to her mate and happily started chattering with the kit's parents. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

Bramblestar giggled and continued with the list to find that he was finished. "Okay, we're done!"

"Bramblestar! Where's the hot chocolate? I NEED MY CHOCOLATE!" Squirrelflight rapidly searched the camp for the chocolate that ThunderpClan was famous for.

Bramblestar sighed and handed his mate the chocolate. "Here. Don't eat too much again." He padded to his den and plopped into his nest. It didn't matter that it was too early for Christmas decorations or that most of the cookies would rot and Graystripe would probably boil inside his suit, what with all the extra fat and all. ThunderpClan was chaotic. That was all that mattered, and he wouldn't have it any other way. White flakes started to drift down.

"It's snowing!" the kits and apprentices cried joyously and proceeded to make snow angels and crappy-looking Olaf replicas. Well, except for Snowpaw. He hated Frozen. The snow started to fall faster and faster until eventually, they were caught in a blizzard.

"Kits! Get out of the snow!" Daisy screeched. She pulled everyone into the nursery and had them share stories, including the warriors.

"Mine is called 'How ThunderpClan Earned their Name'!

"Mine is 'Jeff the Killer!"

"Amberpaw! That is not appropriate!" Daisy dragged the apprentice and stuck a bar of soap in her mouth. Because she could. All because she could.

"Now, we're learning about Christmas all around the world! Doesn't that sound fun?"

"Yeah!" went the kits.

"Boooo!" went the apprentices.

"CRAP! I wanted to listen to Amberpaw's story!" went the Berrynose.

Daisy got her other soap bar and stuck it in her son's mouth.

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><p><strong>Well, thanks for putting up with my crap. R&amp;R, please!<strong>


	3. The White Elephant

**I own nothing. **

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><p>ShadderpClan gathered in a circle, chattering happily, wearing ugly sweaters, and drinking cocoa in their fandom-themed mugs.<p>

"Alright everyone!" Rowanstar made a 'clink' noise with his mug and a spoon. "Put your gifts in the middle! We're playing White Elephant!"

"What's White Elephant?" asked Grasspaw.

"It's a gift exchange. When it's your turn, go and take one gift. You can use your turn to steal another person's gift. The gift can only be stolen three times. Tawnypelt, would you like to start?"

"Sure." Tawnypelt scanned the pile of gift-wrapped boxes, debating whether to choose a large one or the smaller ones. She settled on a forest-green box and rushed to her seat.

Grasspaw, being that one person who goes for the biggest box, ran screeching "MINE!" to a large teal box. Luckily, everyone was wise enough to not choose the largest presents after the mishaps from a few years ago.

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><p>It was another Christmas, and ShadderpClan was playing White Elephant, a tradition for them.<p>

"The big one is mine!" Dawnkit yelled stubbornly.

"It's mine!" Tigerkit growled.

"Fine! It's Flamekit's!" Tawnypelt broke the two kits up.

"No fair!" Both of them cried.

Flamekit stuck out his tongue at them and clawed the wrapper into pieces. Soon, the wrapper gave way to fur, and claws met it.

"OW! FLAMEKIT, STOP THAT!"

"Blackstar?! Why are you there?"

Blackstar was covered in gashes from the kit's claws, the blood dripping onto the snow-covered ground.

Since then, the older ShadderpClan cats had avoided the large boxes in fear of invoking another angry leader.

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><p>The Clan began to tear open their gifts. Wrapping paper bits and ribbons were flung to the farthest corners of the camp. "I got a rock." Tigerheart stared down at a simple gray rock.<p>

"I got a TARDIS model!" Grasspaw shrieked.

Tawnypelt opened a box of chocolates. She deliberately picked out the cherry flavored ones and stuffed the rest into her mouth.

"I got an Amerimochi stuffie!"

"I got a rock."

"I have a Homestuck shirt!"

"MY LITTLE PONY DOLL."

"HOW DID YOU KNOW I WANTED AN OFF MASK?!"

"Five Nights at Freddy's?! Do you WANT me to have nightmares?"

"Attack on Titan coslplay?! Hey Dawncloud, you want this?"

"I got a ROCK." Tigerheart glared at the circle. "Who pulled this? Isn't this against the rules?"

Rowanstar simply shrugged.

"I'm callin' the cops."

He didn't.

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><p>Normally, RaverClan's parties were wild, crazy, and prohibited to kits. They consisted of loud music, "punch", glowsticks, water guns, real guns, and things that shouldn't be mentioned. They all woke up in the morning in a daze, wondering what happened, why there were strange selfies on their phones, how they ended up in ThunderpClan, and why that was a good idea, then deleting the selfies from their social media and explaining things to their followers and watchers. Not today. Today, they would chug eggnog instead of "punch", let the kits into their parties, turn their music down a bit, change their glowsticks to the red and green ones, and confiscate the guns.<p>

Mistystar would eat all the fruitcake as usual. Willowshine would look at her in disgust. Mothwing would hang mistletoe above unsuspecting victims, which is part of the reason why no one came to her den during Christmas. The kits would sneak into the warrior's den, scream Christmas songs at the top of their lungs, drive them out, and mess around with their social media.

"OMG! Firestar totally updated his status!"

"Type mean things to him!"

"Wait! Don't click on the link! It's a virus!"

"Tumblr is hilarious! We should get accounts!"

"You're on Tumblr? Unfollow all of Mallownose's favorite blogs!"

"What's up with 4chan? Why is it so…weird?"

"OH GOD IT BURNS!"

"You went on the Random forum, didn't you?"

"HEY! GET OFF OUR ACCOUNTS!"

While the kits were kicked out, Reedwhisker chugged down eggnog with the rest of the Clan yelling, "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" He spit it out, much to the misfortune of Pouncetail. Senior warriors strung up lights on a giant Christmas tree. "Hey guys! Look what I can make it do!" The lights began to flash rapidly, turning into an array of colors.

"Uh…guys?" Mintfur held up a frayed wire next to a puddle of icy water. "Don't cords like these catch fire when next to wa- HOLY SMOKES!"

The tree burst into flames. "AHH! QUICK, GET IT OUT!" Mistystar screamed.

"HOW?!" Duskfur asked.

"PUSH IT INTO THE LAKE! QUICK!"

"IT'S TOO HEAVY!"

WindClan laughed in the distance. Finally, they had their revenge!

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><p><strong>Sorry for having to put up with my bullcrap, ahaha. Hasta la Pasta! <strong>


	4. (Dysfunctional) Christmas Eve

**Anon person: Yes, that was intentional. It was a flashback.**

**So, this is the last Christmas Chapter, and the next one will be a New Year's one. **

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><p>It was Christmas Eve. Stockings were hung in the Clans' dens, mistletoe littered the camps, trees glowed brightly, and the Clans were sleeping.<p>

Meanwhile, StarClan was bored. They were watching over the Clans as usual. At this time, nothing happened.

It was Bluestar who came up with the idea to torment/celebrate with the Dark Forest.

"What?! Are you CRAZY?! THEY'LL RIP US INTO SHREDS!" Oakheart shrieked.

"No they won't, it's Christmas! Plus, their living family didn't want them over, so they're probably all alone for the holidays."

"What- NO!"

"Too late!" Bluestar dragged her former mate into the fog that separated good from evil. The rest of the spirits shrugged and followed her.

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><p>"Alright," Tigerstar growled. "The ignorant fools won't be expecting an attack on Christmas Eve. I say we attack immediately.<p>

The Dark Forest spirits ignored him and chattered about their presents, though most of them would receive coal.

"I hope I'll get a missile launcher!"

"If I get a basket of Lipton one more time I will rip someone limb from limb-"

"We're running low on candy canes!"

"HEY! IS ANYONE LISTENING?!" Tigerstar was drowned out by the noise.

"I'm listening!" Darkstripe said a bit too eagerly.

Tigerstar threw sharpened candy canes at the crowd. They silenced and turned to him.

"Thank you." He smiled calmly. "Now as for the attack-"

"OH TIGERSTARRR~ HAPPY HOLIDAYS!" A voice that sounded like Bluestar's purred.

"DAMMIT! THEY FOUND US!" Tigerstar cursed.

"Happy to see us? Me too! We'll have so much fun! But first we need a tree, stockings, mistletoe, a fireplace, oh! And cookies! You can't forget the cookies! Yellowfang, do you have the cookies?"

"Yeah, I got the cookies."

"Excellent work, commander! Now first, we gotta get the tree-"

"Hold up there. We never agreed to anything." Brokenstar butted in. "And how do you know we don't already have something planned?"

"You'll do it." Yellowfang picked up a sharp candy cane from the ground and pointed it at his throat.

"Alright, alright! Geez, old woman, I will!"

"Look, buddy, I ain't too happy about this either." Blackstar trudged over to his former leader.

"I know, right? We don't even have enough time to set it all up!"

"A little tip: NEVER underestimate Bluestar's sugar-hyper abilities." Oakheart pointed to Bluestar, who was lugging a Christmas tree with twenty other cats and munching on chocolate.

"Wait! What about the attack? Guys? GUYS?!" Tigerstar screeched.

Everyone else seemed to have forgotten about it. Mapleshade was wrapping presents with Snowtuft happily while throwing any signs of Lipton tea into the river and trying out a flamethrower. Darkstripe, Hawkfrost, and Redwillow were baking cookies…or that's what was supposed to happen. They were actually throwing hot cookie dough at each other. Sparrowpelt and Shredtail hung the extremely strange stockings and ornaments. Maggottail started the snow-maker.

The Place of No Stars, the home of the most evil cats in the Clans, was starting to look like Christmas. And surprisingly, the residents were having fun. Soon, even Brokenstar and Tigerstar succumbed to the holiday cheer and joined the cookie-dough fight.

"Alright! So next, everyone's gonna participate! We're going to go around the living Clans terrorizing them with Christmas carols, even though ThunderpClan already did so!"

"WHAT? WAIT, BLUESTAR-"

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><p>The spirits stood in front of the ThunderpClan camp, songbooks at the ready. "Alright, here we go!" Bluestar barged into camp. What, you thought that they would knock? They're spirits, they don't have to do that!<p>

Bramblestar padded out of his den sleepily. "What? It's…ONE THIRTY IN THE MORNING?!"

"Now!" They started to sing.

"_Jingle bells, Darkstripe smells_

_Hawkfrost laid an egg_

_(Wait, what?)_

_Santa's sleigh_

_Has lost it's way,_

_No Christmas pre-"_

"OUT! OUT! OUT! GET OUT OF MY CAMP!" Bramblestar swatted at the ghosts.

"RUN!" The Dark Forest and StarClan scampered off.

"Bramblestar? Who are you talking to?" Sandstorm questioned.

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><p><strong>Please R&amp;R, and thank you if you already did! Happy Holidays!<strong>


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